Expect the worst. Hope for the best.

I have wanted you ever since I could remember. I wanted what the girls and boys portrayed to be unconditional love, in the movies I was probably too young to really comprehend. I remember being infatuated with those long, slow, passionate kisses; unknowingly I would tilt my head from side to side and move my lips as I watched the boys and girls do on the TV screen. I close my eyes, as I think of it now, the softness of their plush lips colliding almost violently but not, dehydrated from one another’s touch, so simple an action produces such feelings within, you are not prepared for what’s to come. I have wanted you so badly for so long I feel spent to have been a part of so many failed experiences but in hindsight as the wise will say it was not failed but learned. I am not innocent for I am not as naïve as I once was but I am not guilty for I have never, with intention, done wrong to others as I would never want to be wronged but oh, how common that feeling has become. Despite the lessons learned I have some heart left and it beats restlessly, violently and relentlessly for you. I would give, almost anything, to have you. I wonder why, almost always, why you haven’t found me when I’ve needed you most. I have no idea what you look like and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care. But where it counts I know you matter and when it matters I hope your there. I love you. I always have, always will.